SACRIFICE
by ncsupnatfan
Summary: This is a one shot that takes place in Season 5 at the end of Swan Song. This is my thoughts on what the brothers were going through and a little different take on it.


**A/N: This is a one shot that stuck in my mind slightly different view of end of Swan Song. Let me know what you think. Did I get the emotions of the brothers? Please review.**

**Warning: This story does talk about suicide, so if this is a trigger for you please do not read.**

**NC**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural.**

**Sacrifice**

The sky was overcast as dark ominous clouds churned on the horizon casting the cemetery with long finger like shadows. It was like the world knew its fate was hanging by a thread and bright sunshine was not the right setting for this to take place. The air itself was filled with a heaviness of unforeseen doom. No one knew that a battle was taking place that would determine the fate of the world and two unlikely brothers were the only ones who might have a chance stop it. An angel and a crusty, old hunter had already lost their lives trying to help.

The older brother was thrown up against his car as his younger brother pummeled him to the ground unmercifully. Flesh hitting flesh, skin splitting, blood dripping in crimson streams down his face, out of his nose and mouth, and yet he refused to fight back, not lifting a finger to protect himself.

"S'mmy," he sputtered as blood ran down his face and strung with spit from of his mouth. "I forgive you. I won't leave ya S'mmy." Dean raised his hand an placed it lovingly on Sam's arm.

A bright flash of sunlight pierced through a small opening in a cloud, bounced off the chrome of the Impala directly into the eyes of Sam blinding him, causing him to pause and look down at the limp, bloody body he was holding up. Memories flashed through his mind so fast he couldn't see them all. A sense of power overcame him, as his expression change because he had come forward and taken his body back.

"Dean?" he gasped, shocked at the damage he had inflicted on his big brother. "I've got him Dean, I'm in control." he cried stepping back and releasing him. "I can do this."

Dean fell to his knees looking up at his baby brother who was fighting with the devil for control over his own body. Sam stumbled back and dropped the four horseman's rings to the ground and repeated the spell to open the portal to the cage. A gapping, bottomless hole appeared in the ground just behind him and the wind began to suck everything into it. It picked up all around them, throwing and spinning debris in a whirlwind. As tears streamed down his face, Sam sobbed silently to himself, gave his beaten brother a nod that he was good and he had accepted his fate. This was how it was suppose to be, the world would be saved, one life for millions, there was never really another choice.

Tears blurred Dean's vision as he tried to see his brother out of his good eye. He finally focused on his brother's face and saw acceptance, fear, and sorrow in his eyes as he nodded, his time here was done, and he had to right the wrong he had created. With a slight nod from Dean letting him know he understood, Sam stepped back letting the strength of the suction pull him into the abyss.

Possessed by Michael, Adam, their half-brother, jumped to stop Sam from falling only to be pulled in too. The two fell deep into the pits of Hell, into the cage designed for Lucifer. The howl of the wind continued for a few more seconds before being abruptly cut off.

As the ground closed up and the pulling winds died, total silence surrounded the Impala. Dean slumped down feeling like his soul has just been ripped from his body. It took great effort for him to draw in a breath. His head was spinning and pounding with each beat of his heart. Bile rose in the back of his throat and it took every ounce of restraint he had to not throw up. His fingers dug into the damp earth clenching fist fulls of dirt wishing that this was all just a bad dream. His brother was gone, torn from his life by fate, destiny, angels, God; he didn't know and at this moment in time, didn't care. All he knew was he had failed his brother. He was suppose to keep him safe, to protect him, to save him, not let him say yes and sacrifice himself.

Sunlight peeked out from behind the clouds shining golden rays down on him like a spotlight or a beacon of hope, but he didn't feel any warmth or any comfort. His body was cold, stiff and hurting. He knew there were broken bones and a couple of nasty cuts. A shadow fell across his body as he looked at dusty shoes standing beside him. He slowly raised his head and saw Castiel standing there with the sunlight streaming brightly around him making him seem divine and holy.

"Cas." he slurred. "You're alive." he groaned as he spit blood from his mouth.

"Yes, it seems I am."

"Are you God?"

"No Dean, but I think God brought me back new and improved."

Castiel gazed down on him with concern and empathy before touching two fingers to his forehead healing him of his injuries. Dean drew in a short shaky breath as he watched him go to the old hunter and touch his forehead bringing life back into the dead body. Bobby drew in a deep breath as he slowly sat up looking around slightly disoriented.

"Bobby, he did it." Dean said with such anguish and pain the old hunter cringed at the words.

Bobby looked around the cemetery not seeing any sign of the youngest Winchester and tightness clenched his chest for he knew it was done. The kid had gained control and beat the devil, so he was back where he belonged, but at tremendous price. One he knew could never be repaid.

Some may say since Sam made the mess, it was only right he clean it up. No one knew the truth, it was actually the older of the two brothers who broke the First Seal allowing events to begin. The younger was only a pawn, lied to, manipulated, tricked, made addicted so he would break the final Seal and release Lucifer from his cage.

Only a few would know of this sacrifice, only a few would mourn this young man, only a few would think of him as a brave individual and one with much courage, maybe even a hero. But only one could call him brother, and two could call him family.

"Son, yall ok?"

"No, I'll never be ok." Dean said dully.

"With Michael gone, Heaven is in a shambles; I must return there and try to help." Castiel explained looking at the two hunters.

"Will I see you again?"

"If you need me just pray." he replied disappearing with the blink of the eye and flutter of wings.

"Why don't we go home?" Bobby asked Dean softly as he helped him to stand.

Dean's legs threatened to buckle as Bobby tightened his grip before leading him to the Impala. Bobby knew he was not in any shape to drive and opened the passenger door depositing him in the seat. Dean sat there staring straight ahead as shock enveloped his body. Spots blocked his vision, his heart began to race and his breathing came in short pants as an anxiety attack set in.

"Dean, son?" Bobby questioned quickly. "Damnit breathe!" he demanded shaking his shoulder hard.

Dean's head rolled with the shake while Bobby tried to get him to listen. His body started trembling as chills raced up his back. He gave Dean's face a hard slap trying to stop the attack. After a minute, Dean finally drew in a deeper breath and blinked rapidly. His body continued to tremble as a single tear trickled down his cheek before he took a shaky hand to wipe it away keeping his face turned from Bobby. Bobby reached around to the back seat and retrieved a blanket draping it over Dean's shoulders. Dean shrunk in on himself and hugged it tightly to his body. Sensing that the attack was over, Bobby decided it was time they headed home.

The Impala roared to life and settled into a soft hum as Bobby headed out of the cemetery and toward Sioux Falls. Silence filled the car and poured out the windows since neither were ready for conservation. Dean withdrew within himself staring aimlessly out the window, but not really seeing anything that was there. Time meant nothing to him right now. All he wanted was a bottle of Jack, his gun and a place to curl up, get wasted and maybe end his pain. It wouldn't be hard to do it; only a little squeeze of a trigger and all the hurt and pain would go away. No more worry, no more saving the damn world, no more fighting that ever losing battle, no more sacrifice, he could stop it all. It would take just a little hunk of metal and a well placed shot. Dean closed his eyes and listened to his Baby purr.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

"Son, we're home." Bobby said quietly giving his shoulder a nudge.

His passenger began to stir and opened his bleary eyes taking in the surroundings of the junk yard. He shifted slightly but made no move to get out.

"You coming?" Bobby asked looking over at the boy he though of as his son.

"Give me a minute." Dean said in a deep, raw, gravely voice.

"Don't be too long, I'll throw some food together."

Dean didn't bother to answer as Bobby got out and headed for the front door. He watched him go, his eyes trailing him into the house. He sat back in the seat and looked out into the night. After a minute or two he opened the glove box and removed Sam's Taurus feeling the weight of the gun in his hand. He held it on his leg as he examined it by the flood lights around the house. The gun was loaded and one was in the chamber ready to be fired as they always kept their weapons. He ran a finger down the side of the gun taking in the coldness of the metal. It would be so easy to pull the trigger like he had done so many times before on hunts. He flipped the safety off and gripped the gun tightly in his hand. He blinked the tears back, hefted the gun a couple of times in his hand before he cocked it and started to raise it toward his body.

"NO!" a male voice yelled paralyzing Dean and stopping him from firing the gun.

Castiel reached over the seat and removed the gun from Dean's hand, un-cocked it and dropped it in his coat pocket before pressing two fingers to his forehead putting him in a deep sleep. Dean slumped forward as his body went limp. Castiel got out and opened the passenger door shifting Dean so he could pull him out and slip him over his shoulder in a fireman's hold.

"Bobby." Castiel called as he appeared in the kitchen with Dean.

"What the hell?" Bobby jumped spilling part of his coffee unsure what had happened to Dean.

"Dean needs to go in the panic room."

"What happened?"

"He was going to kill himself. I stopped him, he was going to shoot himself."

"Damn idjit." Bobby growled heading down the stairs to open the panic room door. He broke one of the sigils so Castiel could enter and place Dean on the cot in the middle of the room.

"You need to remove any weapons from here."

"Right, the cuffs are on the desk and ya might wanna remove his lock pick and other weapons he carries on him."

Castiel took the cuffs and locked one of Dean's hands to the cot before stepping back from his prone form. He began to search his pockets looking for any weapons he might be carrying. After removing them, he took a blanket and draped it over his still body before placing two fingers on his forehead and using his powers to keep him knocked out for the rest of the night.

"He should be out the rest of the night now."

"Should never of left him." Bobby muttered madly realizing how close he came to losing both his adopted sons in one day.

"It is partly my fault; I did not see this happening before I left. He was not thinking about it."

"How did ya know he was goin' to do it?"

"I felt his soul in pain. Here, he may want this back at some point." Castiel said handing him Sam's gun.

"Thanks, Cas."

"I need to go back to Heaven, but I will be back to check on him tomorrow."

"Alright, just hope I can talk some sense into his hard head tomorrow."

"He needs to mourn the loss of his brother and know we are here to support him."

"Dean's not one for all that sentimental crap, but maybe we can get through to him." Bobby said pulling a chair closer to the bed and sitting down.

"He shouldn't wake up until morning. I will see you later tomorrow."

"Figured it'd be better if someone were here when he wakes up." Bobby grunted trying to get comfortable in the chair. "I'll grab a sleeping bag and some blankets, bed down here tonight. Not the first time I've slept on the floor."

"Alright until tomorrow." Castiel said before vanishing with a swish of wings.

Bobby looked down at Dean's sleeping form before rubbing a hand down his tired face. He was not looking forward to the upcoming days and trying to reason with Dean.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

Dean began to wake up in stages as his breathing deepened and he began to move around on the cot. He opened his bleary eyes and squinted trying to make out what was on the ceiling then it dawned on him, he was in the panic room. He started to get up when he realized his hand was cuffed to the cot. He jerked madly at the cuff looking around for anyone.

"Bobby." Dean spoke hoarsely just above a whisper. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Bobby!"

"Wondered if you were goin' come around."

"What the hell?" he questioned rattling the cuff with anger.

"What the hell were you thinking, you idijt, trying to kill yerself?"

Dean hung his head when the memory of the gun came back. Images of the fight, his brother, and the portal flooded back into his mind hitting him like a punch in the gut. He doubled over clutching his knees as he tried to draw in a breath.

"It's ok son, just breathe slowly." Bobby said laying a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it gently.

"Let me go." he whispered.

"Are you goin' to behave?"

"Please." Dean begged.

"Just remember, I don't wanna have to hurt ya." Bobby cautioned him as he took a key and unlocked the cuff.

Dean got up rubbing his wrist and grabbed for the wall as his rubbery legs didn't want to support him. He finally got them working and struggled toward the door and steps. Bobby followed behind him knowing better than to offer help. He didn't want nor would he accept his help right now.

After some unsteady steps, Dean made it to the kitchen and the back door. He flung the door open and stalked out heading into the junk yard. Bobby didn't bother to follow the young man knowing he needed some space right now. He slowly closed the door with a grim look on his face.

**SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**

The sun was just making an appearance over the top of the trees trying to burn through the clouds that were hovering overhead as Dean walked among the wrecked and damaged cars. He walked down the rows moving deeper into the salvage yard. He pulled up leaning against a car panting heavily. How was he suppose live with what happened? It should of been him. Why wasn't it him, it was all his fault, because of his weakness this whole thing started.

The metal pipe was in his hand without him even realizing it and the first strike vibrated up his arms. Dean raised the pipe again and brought it down on the hood of the wrecked car. He swung again and again, breaking glass, ripping and crushing metal until all the strength was gone from his arms. They trembled as he let them hang loose at his side dropping the pipe. He drew in deep shaky breaths as a single sob escaped his lips. He hung his head as his shoulders slumped forward in defeat.

A light rain began to fall from the clouds sprinkling Dean with drops of moisture. He looked up to the Heavens, closed his eyes, letting water splatter on his face to mix with the tears running down it. He startled when the rain continued to come down but not on him. He opened his eyes to see a fan of feathers closed around him protecting him from the rain. The feathers quivered slightly as he looked closely at the array of deep golden colors in the long ones that transitioned to a rich cream in the smaller ones.

"Hello Dean." the deep rich tone of Castiel's voice sounded close to his ears.

"Cas, what are you doing here?" he asked turning to see Castiel had shielded them with his wings making a warm cocoon around them.

"I came back to check on you."

"Why did you stop me?" he questioned softly.

"Because I knew you were distraught and grieving and I know Sam would not have wanted you to do it."

"What am I suppose to do now?"

"Go on, live your life. Don't let his sacrifice be for nothing."

"What if I can't? It should of been me, I was the one that broke the First Seal, it was my fault all of this even began."

"Dean, you can not blame yourself for that, look how long you held out. My one regret was we didn't find out what they had planned and got you out sooner. What Sam did was Sam's choice, his sacrifice so the world would be saved. He was the only one that could do it."

"I should of found another way." he said madly as his body tensed in anger. "I let him down."

"No Dean you didn't, you were there for him, you gave him the strength and courage to do it." he encouraged. "You stood by his decision, supported him, you were his brother."

The tension left his body as Castiel opened his wings as the rain stopped. He folded them back and they disappeared behind his back. Dean stepped back slightly allowing personal space and looked out over the yard seeing a rainbow arching across the sky in all its glory. Dean gazed out at the colors and splendor wishing his baby brother could see it.

"Shall we go in?"

"Yeah, could use a cup of coffee." Dean shivered slightly as he began to walk back toward the house with Castiel walking by his side. He would bear his guilt and pain and maybe some day he would be able to forgive himself.


End file.
